Thanksgiving is this week (for all my American peeps) and that means lots of family, catching up, and possibly being cornered by that one relative rudely wondering when you’ll be getting a “real” job.
November and December are likely packed with family gatherings and unfortunately this will happen to many of you. In between bites of mashed potatoes and passing the cranberries, that smarty pants relative of yours is going to slyly (or not so slyly) bring up your job.
What are you doing about insurance?
How do you advertise? (always love to shock them by saying “I don’t.”)
Are you paying your quarterly taxes?
How do you get clients?
They’ll wonder at the challenging economy and note that it’s easier to buy a house/start a family/take time off with a full-time job. And of course offer up a friend or two to help you find work.
Sometimes these are completely genuine questions and sometimes what they really mean is…
How can you possibly make enough money to support yourself (your family) from making crafts / drawing all day / writing stories / designing blogs (what is a blog exactly??) How can little you and your little business survive at all??
And so, I know it’s very tempting to take a big gulp of wine and tell them how sorry you are that they only get three days off for the holiday before they return to the same soul-sucking for the next 30 years. But we freelancers can understand that working online on the couch all day in our pjs (no? just me?) can be a little confusing to those born and bred on the college > career > marriage > family life path. So here are a few slightly more tactful ways to tell them you’re kicking ass…
Explain what you actually do
When I moved away from Michigan multiple people asked me what I would be doing for work and if I had a job lined up in San Diego. And after a blank stare, I reminded them that I work from home as a web designer and my job goes where ever I go.
Whether you’re working on your next novel or prepping for a gallery show of your photography, sometimes people need to hear how you spend your time in “real job” terms. I’m a solopreneur that helps women grow badass businesses through blogging doesn’t really make sense to people who aren’t working online.
And blogging – we all know this is mega confusing in general. You write about your life for strangers on the internet…and you get paid??? You may have to add that you sell advertising like a magazine or newspaper, that you work with brands – you know how Ellen works with CoverGirl…preeeetty much like that, and that you sell digital products like ebooks.
Share what you do on a daily basis
Because, DUH, your job is still full-time even if you don’t trudge to an office 9 to 5 every day. Yes, I can work on whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want, but my job still includes a to-do list that could fill more than 40 hours each week. When I’m not designing and coding client websites, I’m bookkeeping, writing sales copy, writing blog posts, creating graphics, Skyping with clients, running live web chats, running an online community, doing research, shooting photos, updating social media, and loads of emailing.
So, if you spend a portion of your day illustrating book covers, you may have to clue them in to the other daily tasks that help keep the income flowing. Because you’re not just hanging out drawing, you’re running a business.
Show off your work
When I started freelancing, I was kind of weirded out to share my online space with people I knew in real life. When people would find their way to my site it felt like they’d discovered some deep dark secret even though they almost always told me it was pretty cool. But now, my personal Facebook is linked to my business Facebook page, so my job is no longer a mystery.
Most of us have an online portfolio or a shop full of products, which is direct proof that you are in fact making money from this “little” online venture of yours.
Tell them about your plans for next year
Maybe you’ll be traveling to a big blogger conference, have already lined up three clients, are planning a month-long sabbatical, or are re-designing your website – whatever it is, knowing you have a plan for the coming year will put any concerned relative at ease. Sharing your future goals shows not only that your business is growing, but that (of course!) you have enough business sense to plan ahead.
Share your expertise
Sharing internet statistics, info on social media, or web design trends is a great way for us bloggers and designers to squash the situation by dropping a little knowledge. We’re not just making pretty graphics, we’re researching ways to be more productive and make websites convert better.
So, what part of your job can you talk about for hours? What sort of information can you dig up to make yourself sound like a mega smarty pants? The Buffer blog, Forbes, and Inc. are all excellent places to find statistics that will shut up any office-bound relative real quick!
And the best way to shut them up…
I make more money than I ever did at my corporate job ::big smile::
Or my brother’s favorite, “Don’t worry about it.” Because really, you don’t have to justify or explain your fantastic freelance lifestyle anyway!
Even if you leave the conversation and they still don’t get it, remember, freelancing and self-employment has exploded over the past few years and now, because of the internet, working for yourself isn’t as risky as it used to be. You can explain and explain, but they may still think the safety of the 9 to 5 is best.
Also it’s entirely possibly that they are 100% impressed with your self-employed life and your badass business sense and their negativity actually comes from the fact that they can’t or don’t think they would be able to create their own business and live the freelance life. They might just be unleashing insecurities or a little jealousy, so don’t take it personally!
I always loved the “so what do you do” question (cue cringe)…
But like you… I found when I started talking about the tangible “things” I was working on… In plain English… It really helped them grasp what I am and what I do!
(Because let’s face it, as creative Treps – it’s sometimes hard to put ourselves into just one box!!! I think I must have gone through 10 titles in my first year whilst I was trying to figure out what I do!!)
Plus… When we talk about what we do – they see that we love doing it… They see our passion!!!
I love your blog. I recently had to realise that education just wasn’t meant to be for me, I gave university a shot but I’m just itching to do something myself and start my own business. I’m only 20 and I feel like a stupid kid and fear it might be the worst decision I’m ever going to make. My “in-laws” are 100% behind me and has helped me out a lot. But last weekend I had to tell my parent. Not only do they not understand the first thing about what I want to do or anything about the internet in general, but they like to compare me to my older sister who’s almost done with uni and just bought a freaking farm.
I wish I’d read this post before! Or maybe it wouldn’t have made much of a difference, I don’t think they’ll understand before I’ve actually achieved something and even then they would probably still think uni would’ve been a better choice. I can’t even start thinking about trying to explain it to the rest of the family at christmas, but at least no one has called a completely idiot yet (wohoo!?)
Thank you for helping me out with this seemingly impossible task.
Sorry to hear your family isn’t on board with your business plan Jane. I’m sure they are mostly worried because they built careers at a time when working for yourself on the internet wasn’t even an option, so they aren’t even sure how it’s possible. I’m glad to hear you’re still moving forward though. You’ll be happier in the long run following your passions even though it may take some time for them to get comfortable with the idea. Stick with it <333
This is SO on point! My family and friends do not understand what I’m doing at all, especially my parents who have good government jobs. I’ve honestly quit talking to my family about my business because it’s just easier. I’m 100% ok with it too – they don’t have to understand. I know and love what I do, and that’s all that matters!
Good for you Miranda! It can be so hard to explain building a business online. But you’re right as long as you love it and you have some online friends who get it you can talk about other things with your family.
I just don’t talk to the idiots. In fact, I have pushed most of them out of my life and made it so unbearable for me to be around any of them…….they don’t bother talking to me. I can’t stand other people up in my business. I’ve been that way since I was a kid.
Currently I am setting up my website and my online shop.And at this time everyone is like “are you serious?” “are you going to make enough?” Sometimes it just gets me down you know when no one thinks its a good idea but as a designer I love doing what I do and this is what I want to do Love your brother’s favorite way of shutting them up.
My boyfriend’s distant family is super white trash. Most of them can’t hold down a job and ping back and forth between living with each other while they’re broke. And yet, I’m the crazy one who works for herself. It’s kind of ridiculous the judgement they pass on me every year for doing what I do! It wasn’t until I hired my first employee that they backed off about us moving “back home” and getting “real jobs.” (He’s an attorney with his own firm, for goodness sakes!) *end ranting*
So thanks for the great line there. Because I will certainly be using that!
You’re welcome – good luck!
If I had a dollar!! Seriously! ;)
I love your point about showing them my online space…I was SO hesitant about that for my first 9.5yrs as an online entre…but I’m finally getting a little better about that as my lady balls drop! ;) ha!
And dropping the money line, always works well too!
oh my god this. I seriously am considering just NOT doing anything family-related this year because it was so awful at thnxgiving. One family member asked me what I did for a job, and when I told him about my business, he said “but you can’t really charge for that, so that’s not a business”. Well, actually I do charge for that and I make more than you so please just stop.
Venting aside, great article. So many of us are going to have to deal with this. I think I’ll be taking the “seriously, you don’t wanna know” approach and just tell them not to worry about it :)
LOVE THIS ARTICLE :) and perfect timing. I”m actually launching my website and blog next week in addition to still working my 9 to 5, and I have been hesitant to tell too many friends and family — which is weird since I should want to promote the new adventure I’m embarking on and yet …. I feel like they won’t get it. You’ve inspired me and I hope one day to be able to use the line “I make more money than I ever did at my corporate job ::big smile::” lol but for now it’s about figuring out my way in the blogging world :) So thanks!
~Stephanie
http://www.chrystaldesigns.com
IG: chrystaldesigns
Ha! God yes. I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving (in the UK) but generally any family gathering has me feeling like I need to ‘explain what I do’.
I do wonder how much this has to do with me, though – no-one has ever said ‘when are you going to get a proper job’…perhaps for me it’s more about that secrecy thing, and feeling weirded out by my relatives stumbling across my websites! Ho hum.
This is so on point. Sending it to my mom because even thought I’ve told her over and over again what I do – she doesn’t get it and doesn’t get there are others like me that do the same.
I still have my corporate job, but people hear about my blog and ask me about it often enough. When I mentioned that I do in fact make money form it I always get an on-slot of questions about taxes and time, and is it worth it? I always respond the same way. I love doing it, and would do it if I didn’t get paid. Also I often get the who actually reads it question. I hate that one. People like me is my nicest answer.
I’ve got added pressure from the fact that I have a STEM M.S. and my friends from that world are now all tenure-track professors, research associates at impressive universities, or employed by big names in our field. Since I’ve been open about the fact that I dropped out of my Ph.D. program because of mental health problems, I get the pitying look accompanied by: “How are you doing? Still doing that business thing? Awww.” Sometimes they’ll add that I’ll have kids with my husband soon enough and I can forget the whole “business” thing. Aggghhh.
My cousin runs her own graphic design business, and my family seems to get that, but since I don’t sell tangible things (mostly) it’s even more confusing. I try to highlight the fact that I have more flexibility with higher income potential than I’d have ever had staying in academia, because, as they say, money talks.
I totally feel you on all these points.. I’m constantly getting weekly phone calls from my mom, and she always manages to slip in that little, “why don’t you get at least a part time job at such and such place in town…” I’m a self employed artist, who works from home, and has enough commissions on the go to fill my days, along with creating prints of originals for my shop. Orders come in, and sure, some days can be slow… but those days are usually filled with the other not-as-fun business stuff, the bookkeeping, promoting, and photos (which are NOT fun in the dreary weather we’ve been getting in Ontario). I have more than enough work to fill my days, I can’t imagine getting another job. And my little income mixed with my husbands income get us enough money to do what we need to do, and almost all the things we want to do. He’s also self employed, and works within the tv and film industry… that’s an even tougher family dinner explanation! He gets lots of days off between gigs, and is told that’s more than enough time to get a second job. But what kind of regular 9-5 job (which I don’t believe humans were created for!) allows you to call in the night before to say you aren’t coming in the next few days because you have a tv/film gig? Right, slim to none.
I wish that people would just accept the fact that we are happy, bills are paid, and just leave us be! Because we don’t have ‘normal’ jobs, doesn’t mean we can’t be functioning members of society!
Thanks for posting Sarah! I LOVED the line about when someone asked you about new job prospects once you moved to SD. Hahah. They really mustn’t understand that you pretty much just need a computer and some internet.
I’m still trying to build my blog (and I’ve recently started building a second so I can focus my interests), so no one really asks, but my mother still doesn’t understand WHY I blog. She doesn’t like reading blogs, so apparently no one should. smh.
I always feel awkward trying to explain what I do to strangers or my family. Not a single person in my family is self-employed, and some people don’t really know what graphic design is. So whenever someone asks me what I do, I’m like ugh, here we go again :) Thanks for the tips, Sarah! I think the best way will be to actually show them my work – that will help them understand better :)